Thank you!

Thank you for the moments you gave me yesterday evening
Thank you for letting me also be part of your time
Thank you for sharing your space with me
Thank you for making me laugh so hard
Thank you for enjoying the time with me
Thank you for being there when I need it
Thank you for not letting me fall when I wanted it
Thank you for keeping me here

Random thoughts

Well, Thursday morning I had a presentation… 10 min to talk in German, with no stop.
After that, in Mensa, another guy asked me… was not possible for you to present it it English? If you would have talked with the professor? And I replied, without any second thought, “I wanted to challenge myself”… and in the end... this is what life is about… challenges… you decide to take them or not… :)
The presentation was ok... only that the subject had also a lot of names in English and at some point my colleagues were a bit confused … (and I was talking also very fast… German mixed with English). At the end, they congratulated me because I was able to talk so fast in German, and that I don’t have to make any worries about speaking German, although it’s not my mother tongue.
But I’m not satisfied, I could have done things a little bit differently, maybe better.. I don’t know..
And what’s worse, in the end, it wasn’t because of me, but because of the colleague I had to prepare the presentation with… anyway… the moment is gone… :)
After the German class, I was going home… thinking… relaxing… and I receive a message from Maria, “what do you think about a picnic?” ... ok… hmmm
Where, when, who… etc…
In 1 hour, we were already behind the students hostels, on the grass, barbequing… it was so nice… we were 8 or 10 people, just having fun and enjoying the time…
It was very very nice :)
On Friday evening we celebrated Kyle’s birthday… he is living in the same building… (the colored one… the very colored one… :))))… but I didn’t stayed for long time… wasn’t in the mood for parties…
But this week is almost ending… and in the end, it wasn’t so bad… or… if the glass is half empty… for sure it’s also half full… always!
I will try to remember that…

beautiful day :)

The word for this week is “superficiality”… I feel I am the only one that can see longer then 2 weeks… I know I lost a lot last year, some important moments for my family which I couldn’t attend. I was home for Christmas, but…the person that for me means “home” was not by my side. Now, for Eastern, I’m more then thousand km far from home. I’m trying to convert this space in home, to feel that Rostock is “home”, but… it’s not like Lublin or Iasi. I’ve started searching some masters here.
Today is such a beautiful day, sunny and warm. This week I’ve watched the sunrise everyday from my window at 5-5.30 am. Probably it’s just the emotion, the “home sick”, the “I miss mama”….
In Poland I won a lot, and if you believe that “what doesn’t kills you it makes you stronger”, then probably I will come back stronger.
I’m getting used not to spend my summers home, and in 2 years, when most probably this is going to happen, it will be really sad.
I wish people around me stop for 10 sec and think about what they have…
Right now, I have a very beautiful day ahead, I saw in the morning the sunrise and now I’m going to Warnemünde to watch the sunset at the seaside.
I’m fulfilling some of my dreams here; some of the ones I never hoped for too…:) it could still become better then it is now :P
“But maybe God has for me a bigger plan than I had for myself”…

Last week, thanks to one of my new friends, Maria from Guatemala, I saw again one of the most beautiful movies… (it is just my opinion….), “A walk to remember”…
And at some point there is a very nice speech about love…

Love is always patient and kind, it is never jealous
love is never boastful or conceited, it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offense and is not resentful
love takes no pleasure in other peoples sins, but delight the truth, it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure in whatever comes..

This week’s theme for me was how much does it means to love somebody… no matter if it’s about your mother, your best friend or the ONE you think it’s for ever… which is the biggest proof of love you can show to somebody? And I decided it is… just let them go… let them fly alone… let them be happy and accept that the best is not next to you...you did you’re best… don't regret it...

a bit melancholic… and it’s just 10 pm…

Already 4 weeks:)

When did they pass? I remember how scared and afraid we arrived here.. and now there is not so much difference.. but the things we are scared of changed…
For example, now I’m scared of Saturday.. of what I will feel and do and act … it’s hard.. I wasn’t expecting it… and of course I got surprised… I didn’t realize it’s going to be like this… I don’t know if I would have done the things differently, but yet.. I feel I would have been prepared…

There is a mix of feelings for me now.. because I don’t have any other option.. and I felt at some point that I wanna run back home.. that I’m in a boat, and there is a big, huge, storm… and most probably I’m not going to make it to the end… but someone told me, as long as you are not the one that stops holding with all her strength inside the boat, you will make it:)
And I want to believe this…

It will be a sad week, at least for me… I want to feel the same as last year and 2 years ago, and 10, 15 years ago… but that simply won’t be possible…

Adaptability… a word I think I kind of forgot… maybe this week would be the perfect time to remember…
Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.. the race is long and in the end is only with yourself… you’re choices are half chances, so are everybody else’s…

I’m trying to get until Saturday as tired as possibly, I’m trying also just physically,and not emotionally, but I kind of start to have the feeling it’s impossible….

Any time you’re tempted to say "Impossible", add an apostrophe and a space, and say, "I’m possible”… (whatever… I’m starting not to believe all the quotes.. that are very nice, and sound very well… but they are damn hard to follow…)
Or.. maybe there is one I will always try to respect… “Never regret anything, just remember that at one point you wanted that thing so much, enough to actually do it”…

Life is like that…unfortunately,


Maybe I just need some extra sleep…

Fall if you have to, stand up and start the run again…

So easy to tell, so hard to follow…

If the beginning is the same… for me unfortunately the end is definitely the same…
And here I am again, just like before… like if I have never learned anything… and with every experience you are stronger.. well I guess I’m becoming somehow a wall or something… if I can still make jokes about this… then maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m just… sad… damn sad… and … I feel it is not worded… all the efforts, all our life… it has no end… if you can’t live through the others… then why do you still live, why do you wake up every morning? How can you still find the joy in every sunrise and every smile that someone gives you?
No one deserves your tears and who deserves them won’t make you cry…
The city is full with lights… it’s alive… more alive then I am right now… and maybe I should just make my homework and that’s it… but I can’t … because as I sad earlier, I begin to care about everything around me… and in the end… the battle will be only with me… and God knows if I will make it…
I saw today “Serendipity”… it’s all about faith and destiny… and… believing… well right now, at 4 am (Gwen :P) I don’t really have pretty more faith in anything… maybe I just need a weekend off… not to think in anything… or just to take my bike and run fast and far from here…
Soon I will write also concrete about life at the Uni Rostock… there are some good parts also… but… right now… “the tears are falling”…

Bis morgen, Rostock.
A friend told me, to let the night be my adviser... but unfortunately the night can't change something... anything ... so...
tomorrow I have classes and seminars and I need to be fresh, so... Good night
and never be sorry for something that you did, because at some point, you wanted that so much enough to really do it...
I'm not sorry and I hope I will never be :)

This week song is Tori Amos- 1000 oceans…

I’ve cried 1000 oceans… and now I know why all this afternoon I had a strange mood, such as something not very good was supposed to happen…
Shits happen, you just have to stay away… it’s so hard to get the distance when you are directly involved in a matter…
The whole afternoon I tried to convince myself that it will be ok to go out somewhere tonight… and I did it, and I congratulate myself, because I discovered a new beautiful place, with nice music… and it was somehow a girls night:P
But there was something missing… maybe it was just my impressions, or maybe it was … you:)

Like I said earlier, I’m beginning to care… to get emotionally involved… and it’s not like before… when it was all sunny and smiling… I have many more challenges, this time I want to fight, more then the other times, I want to learn less… (you learn more from a failure then from a success), and to be happier then ever… never say never, never say for ever…

This is how it’s meant to be… and if not, then it means that I must find that happiness in other parts of my life… in the sunshine, in the walks or in my bike:P

A bit sad for 3 am, but... this is the only me available now...


Kisses…


PS: Maybe I should get satisfied with what I have until now, nice memories, all through in some crisis situations, but with happy-endings:P
I’m not like that… I give a huge part of me and I expect to receive at least the same… or maybe it’s my fault, because I’m not as good as I should be… with the people around me…

I'm begining to care...:)

about this place, about the beautiful and smart people that I’m meeting everyday, people that begin to be role-models in their behavior for me, people that know how to share their knowledge, people that, all through they are only 23-26 years old, have behind them 2 or 3 times more events, more learning experiences then any of us...

Today it was a day of memories… remembering a lot the past, but also creating new ones, beautiful or just “a-ha” moments…:P
Today I learned again how to ride a bike… after one not very good moment and a contact with the grass (:P) … and it was again like when I was 10 years old, and … I was safe…
my bike is blue, dark blue, beautiful.. I suppose until august we will develop a very strong and long term relationship…:).
I miss the days when all was safe around me and I didn’t have to worry for anything… because there was someone else for this…
Sunday after-noon I was for 3 hours for a walk in the harbor, and for the first time after some years… I could just walk and not think about anything, about anyone, about any problem or concern... it was so much peace and silence around me, although the gulls were very “un-silent”… (it’s the matching season:P)
Today I did something else I was missing… just laying in my bed (by the way, with the new bed sheets:P ), and staying with the feet’s up, on the wall, and the had down… it was like I was in Govora 14 years ago, with my cousins and some other friends … with again… no worries.

And there are some more memories to come, to create for this evening…
The classes are ok, until now… a lot of accounting and financial parts, but… I can see somehow the relevance with what I had to study home…

PS: Imagine the project from “projects” last semester, in German, and … you trying to understand who is where why and how…most important… “HOW”!!!!- the key for success:P

But I’ll take it as a challenge, a big challenge, and at the end of which I will feel 10 times stronger then I’m now… (at least 10 times… and this is a commitment:) )

after keller

I don’t know what is wrong, but definitely there is something missing here… a connection, mindsets, or maybe I wasn’t born with the right feelings…
I disappoint people… apparently I have my own rhythm, one per week…
I just try to follow my path, or better said, what I think it is my path… it’s not fair.. to want something with your whole being and because of some other facts/factors/ etc not to be able to… try it.. Because it’s not sure you will make it, you will reach your goal…
You can only try …

It’s 3:30… and I can’t sleep… because I had a fight, a small misunderstanding with a very dear person… and it hurts… maybe because your expectations weren’t reached … and because you didn’t reached their ones…
It happens... shit happens, you just have to stay away
I did my best for this time to be different… but some attitudes I can’t change, no matter how hard I try… and I don’t have an explanation, or at least a logical one, why I did it…

And I guess I’m more worried now thinking at the consequences … (it’s ok in the end.. it was just an 17 years old behavior…) but… it’s that feeling that you disappointed somehow…

Nobody told us that life will be fair… and it isn’t … or sometimes is more fair for some of us and less for the others…
I don’t know, if I would have to choose what would I do… probably I would choose to continue to own what I have now… and to fight for more on the other parts… and not to give up at the irreplaceable parts for the parts I can gain by myself .
It’s a fight… and …in the end it’s only with yourself…

"The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what that man is."
Oscar Wilde


Sleep well Rostock!

impresions impresions:)

A full week, a first week ended here in Rostock in my new home, (I finally moved in the dormitory where I will stay until august... ) now that is clean, and I met also better the city where I will spend almost half of this year, :) I'm smiling
I'm smiling again and... I try to forget, to move over the last days in Poland, and over the few not very good moments that happened in Iasi after I returned
I have a new wonderful experience in front of me... together with some nice people, beautiful people, interesting people, people that are learning how to care about you, to smile at the sun:)

Except a lot of papers which we had to do this week and running between the offices, secretaries and meeting places, it's beautiful
It’s about team work, patience, understanding, partnerships...

Saturday we had a city tour, LEI (Lokale Erasmus Initiative) brought us a guide who present us a little bit of this town history... and Sunday we were at the sea side, finally... in a cruise in the harbor and a little bit on the sea:)
The sea, eternal romantic for the great expectations…
The sea… Rostock… the place where my deepest dreams come true…

I wake up in the morning, I open the window, and in front of me I see two gulls, running one to each other…
I raise my eyes and I see how the sea becomes one with the sky… (a little bit more plastic then the reality, but closer anyway…)
Tomorrow, Tuesday, I will officially start the classes, the courses…:)
Next Monday I will have also the first badminton classes (another dream…)

About my other dreams that here are almost coming true, maybe in the next article…

And of course, to end in a very funny way… I had today the test for German level… and apparently I was practicing to hard ... because I needed maximum 55 points for entering one very interesting course, about inter cultural communication in business (sounds real good, isn’t it?), and surprise… I did 62 points and the professor told me that I have too many points for going to that class and most probably I will be accepted at the next level for German, because I’m too good for that course…

Ok, maybe one dream didn’t came true this week… I can live with this “lost”…:P


Good night, Iasi
Monday, 31.03.2008, 24:25

PS: lately there’s a song hunting me, U2 & The Corrs - When the stars go blue... it's magic…

PS2: pictures, soon on picasa, after 15th of April, when I will have also internet in my room, hopefully:P



Apparently, due to some unknown and unexpected reasons, at 5.03 a.m. on 1st of April, I can’t sleep, so I decided to translate everything from now on in English…:)

Maybe are the emotions of a new start:P or maybe the ones of closing the circle and moving one…
Right now I see in front of me a lot of lights, at 5:30 apparently this city is not sleeping, has a lot of life, and the students are enjoying their every second of life.

And still, I have a lot of energy, like I could spend my whole day walking… staring at the sun (again U2…)

I’m happy I guess, or maybe I’m rediscovering how it feels, how good it feels to be happy… I wish this never ends... and it’s just up to me
A bit melancholic this morning, it seems…